I'm pleased to announce that 3232 Design is now the proud owner of an HP ProLiant Monster Big Ironman 3000 Pro WebMaster Server with SPEED TECH Technology and Dual-Channel Power Blades with Kung-Fu Gripping Action.  

I think their original product name was stupid and had too many numbers in it.  I like mine better.

There's been an increasing demand from my clients asking for web hosting services.  Normally I'd arrange 3rd-party hosting with a hosting service such as GoDaddy or HostMySite.  Unfortunately the affordable hosting plans are all shared, meaning your site is on a server with thousands of other sites just waiting to get taken down by some lousy programmer's barfing code.  

"Barfing" is programmer jargon, meaning "code that barfs".  It's code that needs unbarfing.  It's like staying at a Motel 8 with a drunken wedding party and their entourage.  Somebody barfs in the pool and everybody has to get out.

I was getting tired of calling these so-called hosting providers and telling them that their service sucked.  I mean, is it really necessary for me to wait an hour on hold so I can tell you that your customer service sucks?  I'd had the development server running forever, and it was pretty good at serving web pages--but not so good at being quick about it.  

So there I was, staring at the brand-new server that arrived on my doorstep, thinking, "why is that box so big?"

Turns out, when you order a real server (as opposed to the old 700 MHz desktop computer masquerading as a server) it comes in a very large box.  That's because they are very large.  Monstrously large.  Big enough to fit the internet inside, with room to spare.  Put it in a smaller box and it will stick out.

This thing is amazing, once you cut through all the redundant monitoring, 4GB RAM chips, 2.6 GHz dual-core processors and hardware RAID backplanes and begin to grok the computer-ness of it.  It serves pages so fast that it makes the shared hosting places look like chumps.  Which they are.  And how many hosting providers know you by name?  Or even answer your emails?

I'm really looking forward to this, now that it's fully operational.  I'll be moving clients off their crappy hosting services and into the five-star luxury resort of web hosting.  Concierge service, poolside drinks, and not just one mint on your pillow, but an entire buffet of chocolate mints right up on the bed.  You'll start complaining about how many chocolate mints are on your pillow.  

Don't worry, there are extra non-chocolate-mint-buffet beds in each room just for sleeping.  That's how nice it is. 

I'm just glad I don't have to worry about somebody else's code barfing and bringing down the server.  If anybody's code barfs, it will be mine.  But at least then I'll be able to unbarf it myself while the rest of the guests are relaxing in their private pools.